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Ann last won the day on September 5

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About Ann

  1. A Question For Grandma

    I have seven grandchildren; six grandsons and one granddaughter. The six eldest are now teenagers ranging in age from 17 to 13. Our youngest grandson turned 5 this past July. When the six older grandchildren were little, I started calling them all Roy, including our granddaughter. I told them I was doing this in case I became forgetful as I got older and couldn't remember their names. The boys thought it was hilarious that I also called our granddaughter Roy. The fun thing was that when all the grandkids were at the house and playing outside I would just yell Roy and they would all come running, laughing like crazy. I thought of it as something special between us. When our youngest grandson was born he was known as Little Roy. Something else I always did with my grandchildren was to randomly ask them "who loves you". Their answers were always "you do". I realized the other day, after a conversation with my youngest grandson that I haven't asked that question of my teenage grandchildren in a long time. I will have to remedy that. I have never seen myself as a very demonstrative person. I always knew my parents loved me but I don't ever remember hearing the words. Saying "I love you" is not always easy for me. With age comes wisdom and I'm working on that, consciously saying the words especially to those who are important to me. I don't want them to assume like I did, I want them to hear the words and know they are loved. Unfortunately old habits and patterns are difficult to break and my most recent reminder came from Texas. Hubby's cousin Patsy moved back home with her husband, Len. They are two very kind, thoughtful and caring people. Patsy's mother, Aunt Marian, was such a loving, kind, thoughtful woman who loved freely and shared that love with everyone. The first time I visited Aunt Marian and her family as a young bride, I remember feeling so uncomfortable. They were not the cause of my discomfort, it was something within me. You see, Aunt Marian and her family hugged each other just leaving and entering a room. "I love you's" were said like "hello's" and you knew they were genuine. Aunt Marian was always telling someone "you're so special", "you're wonderful", or "you make me so happy". Patsy reminds me of her Mom and has also reminded me that the words are just as important as the actions. The other day Little Roy was riding along with me as I drove to finish my last errand, and as always he talked about everything. The changing colors of the trees, the shapes and colors of the clouds, what his brothers did, how he cracked his Mom's cell phone and was grounded. We were chatting along and I asked him "who loves you". "You do" was his immediate reply. He then started talking about how he won't be going to kindergarten because he doesn't like school and his next question was "Grandma, will you love me when I get big"? "Of course I will" I told him, "just like I love your older cousins". "Will you love me when I get older" I asked him. "Grandma, you're already old" he calmly told me. "Yes, I know I'm old but hopefully I'll get older. If my hair turns white and I get wrinkles (luckily he let that go by), will you love me then" I asked him. "Yep" was his short and sweet answer. He changed the subject to where we were going next and we talked about that; one question leading to ten more. "Will you love me forever, Grandma" he asked out of the blue. "Yes I will" I told him. "Forever is a long time Grandma" he reminded me. "Yes, I know. That's exactly how long I'll love you". Three little words, so very important to say. All rights reserved.
  2. County Legislature Pay And Benefits

    In my humble opinion no elected official should be allowed to determine their raises or benefits.
  3. Just For Today

    Driving home today I noticed that the leaves are starting to change colors. I actually saw some leaves turning yellow with hints of orange. It seems like just yesterday school was ending for the summer. Now it’s August and time to think about going back to school in a few short weeks. Seeing back to school commercials on the television I mentioned to Grandson #7 that he'd being going back to school soon. "I'm not going to school" he told me and the look on his face spoke volumes. I just laughed thinking that will be Mom's battle when the time comes. July was a month of heat, humidity and celebrations. Sister #5 hosted a 4th of July picnic, we attended a nephew’s wedding, and our youngest grandson turned 5. "A whole hand" as his older cousin once said. I hosted our monthly sister meeting which was rather low keyed. There were no games or disagreements, just conversation and being together. I did try a new recipe, BLT pasta, which was good but nothing that would tempt me to make again. No garden was planted this year as hubby wasn't feeling it. He said it was good to give the ground a rest. I told him that excuse worked for me. However, our daughter-in-law discovered tomato plants growing among the weeds in hubby's raised beds so she got busy pulling weeds. It was a pleasant surprise to find several nice cherry tomato plants growing from last year's tomatoes. A little gardenner helped her with the weeding. I asked him about the winter boots he was wearing. "Grandma, the snakes can't bite me when I wear my boots". When we bought our home in 1981 my Dad gave me a cutting from a wild rose bush that he let grow beside a shed. The words "let grow" are important because Dad was not a flowery kind of guy but for some reason he liked that rose bush. Hubby planted it for me and it took root and grew. It has always been a tempermental rose bush, blooming like crazy some years, not flowering other times or only sharing a few roses. Last Autumn, my youngest sister decided to sell the family home and she told me to take Mom's rose bush which was planted in the front yard. Last summer Mom's rose was a cream colored flower with a salmon color around the tips of the petals. In years past, when the petals would drop after blooming, a few weeks later, another rose would bloom. It wasn't always the same color, it might be a solid cream or a solid salmon color. This didn't happen every year but when it did it was special. Again, Hubby planted Mom's rose bush for me next to Dad's rose bush. "I can't guarantee this will take root" he told me and I told him not to worry, it would grow if it was meant to grow. Well, I'm happy to say Mom's rose bloomed this summer, just once, and Dad's wild rose bush was full of roses. It was kind of nice seeing them bloom together. August began with expectations of Hubby's surgery on the 7th to correct a very painful large tear in his shoulder. The insurance company, however, decided that it wasn't medically necessary and up until the evening before his scheduled surgery I was discussing the matter with "advocates" at the insurance company. To say it was frustrating is an understatement. I realized it wasn't the advocate's fault but knowing the conversation was recorded for review I politely stated that it wasn't as if Hubby decided he had nothing better to do on the 7th so lets have someone cut into his shoulder. I also pointed out that we pay for Medicare and the Medicare Advantage plan we have yet a "for profit entity" is determining what services we can or can not have. His surgery was cancelled. I was very frustrated and angry and I held on to those feelings much longer than I should have. My bad but typical for me. While driving home from the store this afternoon the phrase "just for today" popped into my head. I thought about that as I drove, wondering where it came from. Thinking about it for a while, I realized I wasn't remembering the important moments. Mom and Dad's roses blooming. The little gardener pulling weeds to help his Mom find the tomato plants. The beautiful, sunny summer days full of bird song. The music the trees make as the summer breezes blow through their leaves. The beauty of a clear, brilliant, blue summer sky; a beautiful canvas for the cotton candy like white clouds as they slowly drift along. The sound of thunder as it rumbles across the hills surrounding our home during a summer storm. Joining together with family to celebrate life's moments. Visiting with Hubby's cousin Patsy and listening to the music they created, he on his guitar and she on her ukulele. The sound of their voices blending so wonderfully as they sang together while we sat together on her porch on a warm summer evening. The fact that each morning I wake up is a gift, to be enjoyed and cherished. Someone was reminding me that I needed to take a look at what I was allowing to be important in my world. I have said before that I tend to hold onto stuff when I should be letting it go. I work daily on changing how I react to things and not let myself go into the land of "what if". Sometimes I win and sometimes that bitch, anxiety, wins. I constantly remind myself to believe that what is meant to be is what will happen. Fretting and over thinking won't stop anything from happening. Three little words. Just for today, I will treasure each moment, great or small. Just for today I will let go of all that belongs to yesterday. Just for today, I won't worry about what tomorrow might bring. Every morning I'll try to remind myself to think "just for today". All rights reserved. I hope you enjoyed my story but please remember it's my story so no using or copying any content in any manner without the express written permission of the owner....me.
  4. E.T. Book Club

  5. E.T. Book Club

    I’m currently reading Pride and Prejudice and Prejudice by Jane Austin. I have watched and enjoyed the movie versions of this and Sense and Sensibility too many times to count so I thought I would try the book version. I’m enjoying the book but reading is slow because of the style of writing which is exactly how, I imagine, they spoke in the early 19th century. This book is on a Kindle app on my Nook. I’m also reading Dale Mayer’s Deep Beneath, the 15th book in her psychic Visions series. In this series the main characters each have different psychic abilities and how they are helped to develop those abilities to take down the bad guys. I have always loved books where the story line includes that something paranormal. This is also on my Nook. I’m also reading A Willing Murder by Jude Deverauax. This story starts out with someone burying two “somethings” under a tree in a back yard with references to a missing mother and daughter. This one is a good, old fashioned paperback book. It’s funny to refer to a paperback book as old fashioned. I read a few pages each day from each book and it’s interesting reading three books at one time. No issues keeping story lines and characters separate.
  6. Briggs Famous Cream Ale

    I don’t care for the taste of beer, never have. Got to try a taste of this yesterday. Instead of my usual tentative one sip my first sip was full of flavor and went down so smoothly. A second then third drink followed. I’m not sure if this is accurate but for me it seemed as though there was weight on my tongue, smooth, creamy almost. It was delicious and I’ve never said that about a beer (sorry Hubby, your’s home made is really good but I never said delicious). If Hubby doesn’t I will be buying this beer.
  7. "It's A Small Bucket, But..."

    Before I die I want to dance at every one of my grandchildrens’ weddings, read every book in my house and on my e-reader, go back to Iceland for a visit. Not awe inspiring, not realistic but it is a wish list so what the hell.
  8. Netflix: "Mine"

    I’ve often noticed that good movies do not get very high ratings by movie critics.
  9. Can You Believe?

    Have you ever had the feeling you weren't alone when you were the only one in the room? Have you ever thought you heard someone call your name when there wasn't anyone there but you? Have you ever known something was going to happen before it happened? Do you believe there is more than what you can see, hear, touch, taste or smell? I'll admit to all of the above and then some. Intuition, sixth sense, call it what you will, I believe there are some who are blessed with abilities we can't understand. I also believe each of us has some ability to tap into that area of the unknown, especially when needed. I'll often get the feeling someone's there and the feeling usually starts with chills. I'll look behind me thinking it's Hubby or the cat but nope, no one's there, that I can see. Just the feeling there's someone there. I still remember the time I woke up screaming because someone grabbed my shoulder and shook it until I was awake. It was definitely a hand and I felt it even after I was awake. My banshee scream had Hubby up and ready for battle but there was no one to fight. In case you're thinking it was just Hubby reaching out in his sleep, he was facing away from me and I was curled up to his back. That scared the shit out of him, and definitely me, but he told me I was probably dreaming. He was able to go right back to sleep but I lay there wondering who it was that was trying to get my attention and why. I even got out of bed to check on our eldest son who was a baby at that time. This incident happened when we were living in the old farm house where Hubby grew up. I used to hear someone call my name. The kids would be napping, no television or radio on, just me and my book and I'd hear her call me by name. Now, at that time, in the late 1970's, there was a local well-known psychic who had a weekly radio show. Looking back it was funny how I never had any trouble getting through to him each and every time I called in to the radio station. I also remember how he'd be spot on in what he told me. When I asked him about the lady I'd hear calling my name he told me I already knew who it was, just answer her and ask her what she wants. He was correct. I knew it was my Grandmother but my mind said that couldn't be possible, she had been dead for years. By the time I was ready to answer her she stopped calling out to me. I knew the day my Dad was going to die because I “saw” something that morning. I drove my mother nuts because I kept calling her by telephone all day asking how Dad was feeling and every time she told me Dad was having a good day and feeling much better. Until he died that afternoon. I was sitting beside my mother-in-law's bed at the moment she died and saw her look up as if someone entered the room. I felt it too, a slight movement of air and also looked up to see who it was. There was no one there; she was the only one who could see whoever it was that came to show her the way home. My brother-in-law shared that experience with me. What I'm about to share now is the absolute truth. It happened, I don't understand how or why, because it was just that one time but it did happen. I was 16 at the time. My sister Andrea, who was 13, was living in New Jersey with Mom's sister and her family. It was early evening and we were gathered in the living room watching a show on the television which was on a stand in the corner next to a window. Something drew my attention towards the window and I saw my sister Andrea's face and she was crying. I immediately knew something was wrong. A few minutes later the telephone rang and it was Mom's sister calling to let Mom know that Andrea had run away and that the Police had been contacted and were searching for her. That was the beginning of a very strange night full of worry, fear and confusion. Throughout the evening and early morning hours I "saw" things like tree lined streets, houses, lamp lit streets with businesses closed for the night. I saw the rain soaked sidewalks and felt the moist, chill air. I "heard" the sounds of passing vehicles. I felt so afraid and had no understanding of what was happening. At one point in the early morning hours I had to use the bathroom. As I pushed open the door to enter the darkened bathroom I was overcome by such a sense of fear. I "heard" music playing; tinny, old-fashioned music, the sound of people talking and laughing, I smelled the odor of cigarette smoke and alcohol, heard the clinking of glasses. I could not bring myself to go into the bathroom so I backed out into the kitchen and slowly closed the door. I "saw" a building with colored lights in the windows and a sign with the word Tin flashing. Mom was talking to Aunt Dell at that time and I knew I finally had to tell Mom what had been happening, everything I was seeing and hearing, even though I doubted she'd believe me. I had no idea what was going on but I felt a sense of urgency so I told her everything and she in turn told Aunt Dell. I'm not sure how much later it was, but Aunt Dell called again, this time to tell Mom Andrea had been found. She was outside a Bar and Grill called the Tin Lizzy huddled up against the building wanting to get out of the chilly rain. She'd opened the door to go in to the Bar but was afraid to enter. I knew then that I was feeling what she was feeling when I had tried to go into our bathroom. My sister and I somehow connected with each other in a way that to this day I still don't understand. I don't know if she reached out to me or I to her but I was there with her, sharing what she was going through, seeing and hearing what she did, feeling what she felt. Certainly, through the years, there were times when I had the feeling something was wrong and I'd reach out to her or go see her, but nothing like that particular time. I really wish it had happened again because I've always wondered why I didn't have a clue as to what was happening to her the night she collapsed three years ago. I'm coming to believe the answer is so simple. It wasn't meant to happen again; that was a journey she had to take alone. As I'm writing this I also realize she did reach out one last time; not to let us know she was in trouble, but to let us know she was alright. We were all with her when she was removed from life support but Sister #4 knew she wouldn't go anywhere without her make-up and teeth. Sister #2's daughter put her teeth in and Sister #4's daughter fixed her eyebrows and applied her lipstick. If you knew Andera you would understand. Her hair was always perfectly styled and her make-up just as perfect so it makes sense she wouldn't go anywhere without looking her best. Not even to go to Heaven. Just as my niece finished applying Andrea's lipstick I saw a "shimmer" rise up from my sister and suddenly she looked like she was 30 years old and so beautiful and peaceful. I believe what I saw was my sister's soul leave her body as she took her last breath. This time I wasn't the only one to "see" something. Sister #4 and her daughter also saw this and were taken by surprise not knowing what was happening. "What's that, what's happening" Sister #4 kept repeating. “Can you see that" she asked the others. "I saw it” I told her. No one else saw anything. We were the lucky ones. In that moment I knew what had happened. Andrea had reached out to us one last time and showed us something beautiful, something to remember and hold close, showing us that death isn't the end but the beginning. I write things down, stuff I won't or can't say to someone, ideas, feelings, things that happen in my world. I don't share everything. It's never been easy for me to open up to others, even my own family. I've found the courage to share with you now a few special moments I've experienced, memories I’ll never forget. I will also share my belief that there is more to life than what you can see, hear, touch, smell or taste. You just have to be able to accept it when it happens. And believe. All rights reserved. I hope you enjoyed my story but please remember it's my story so no using or copying any content in any manner without the express written permission of the owner.....me.
  10. I don’t believe it matters whether it’s a successful defense or not, it should be up to a jury to decide, not legislated as to what can and can not be used as a defense. What would be next?
  11. While watching local news this morning one of the segments was about Cuomo’s latest proposal to pass legislation to eliminate “gay panic” as a defense in a criminal matter. I believe this would interfere with due process. It’s not up to him to make that determination but a jury hearing the case. He’s overstepping his authority yet again.
  12. I wish him well. I’m sure this wasn’t an easy decision for him.
  13. Hubby and I were talking about this subject this morning. If legalized, there will still be employers who require random drug testing. What happens then?
  14. Meghan McCain, on the View, said she hated the finale. She let slip what happened and was a lot of unhappy people. People are really serious about this.
  15. The Caregiving Saint

    A prayer this afternoon asking for help and I read this this evening. I’m trying to listen. Thank you.